My Story
For over 30 years now I’ve been on a journey, that for the most part, has been invisible to the outside world. Yes, there were challenging times that could be observed by others, but the underlying reasons remained invisible. This is my story about discovering the hidden, untapped potential within human consciousness.
For the first time, I’m revealing the back story of my journey. Hopefully, you will come away with some insight into what brought me to this point. You’ll often hear me say: I’m an ordinary person, just like you. I don’t consider myself to be better or above any other human being. I’m not all-knowing, I’m not perfect, and I too experience the everyday challenges posed by this physical existence. The benefits of an expanded awareness are many. It can provide insight into the underlying purpose of our physical lives. It connects us with the all-knowing, higher-self. This connection allows us to know we’re not alone and supports us with expanded views and intuitive guidance. An expanded awareness enables us to distinguish between the guidance of the lower-self and higher-self. It promotes a greater feeling of flow in life.
The Evolution of Consciousness is about sharing the ability to expand our conscious awareness. Every human being is graced with the gift of consciousness. However, our concept of what it means to be conscious has been limited to what we can see, hear, touch, taste and smell—the sensory input from our surroundings. We possess the power to create from our thoughts. But our thoughts have been constrained to what our physical senses perceive. We create from the belief in a purely physical existence. An existence that assumes each of us is separate from all else. Please understand, I am not denying our physicality. I’m calling out the ability to access our consciousness in a way that extends beyond the limits of sensory input.
As I’ve previously shared with you, this is not a new idea. There have been small groups of people exploring this dimension of their consciousness dating back thousands of years. Were these ordinary people? Define ordinary. They were human beings. But among them were some extraordinary figures like: Jesus, Buddha, and other Prophets. The challenge we face—relying solely on external sensory input—is it keeps us looking outside of ourselves for answers. It’s a good news/bad news proposition. The bad news is we’re never going to find sustainable solutions to our problems by looking outside ourselves. The good news is that in extending our individual consciousness, we’re exercising the power to raise the consciousness of the whole planet. Let’s jump into the story of how this expansion happened for me.
Early in life my awareness was limited to the physical world just like everyone else. I attended public schools. Was a slightly above-average student and liked playing a variety of sports. When I was old enough, I earned money mowing lawns and delivering papers. I started working a ‘real’ job after-school at age sixteen. We weren’t religious people. Though we attended church for a while. I think mostly for the benefit of me and my siblings. As I matured, my belief in God was mostly agnostic. My early interest in money resulted in earning a bachelor’s degree in business administration. I had a couple jobs after college but found my niche in the finance business. This was driven by a deep-seated desire to know everything there was to know about money.
After working for a little over a decade life was going well. I was married and we had welcomed the first of our three children into the world. I’d advanced within the finance company—being promoted from salesman to sales manager, and then to branch manager and vice president. With two incomes, we did well financially. But along with the good there were some troubling issues. As a business major, my goal had always been to be in management. But having advanced to a management role, I was exposed to the ugliness of corporate politics. Though not directed at me, it nevertheless marked a turning point in my career. I had achieved my goal—only to become disillusioned by this cutthroat behavior.
Due to a decline in the Alaskan economy, the finance company I worked for decided to close the branch in Anchorage. I chose to be transferred to the Bellevue office in our home state of Washington. Shortly after moving back, I was offered a promotion to a regional management position based in Dallas. I passed. And then another offer for a branch manager position in Los Angeles. And I passed again. After that the offers stopped coming. The year was 1989, and toward the end of that year, I turned in my resignation.
At 34 years of age my corporate career had ended. But another completely unexpected door was about to open. Before going further let me explain some of the circumstances that were present at the outset of this journey. When I started, I had no knowledge of a path or any of the experiences I would encounter. From a consciousness standpoint, I was like everyone else—external sensory input defined my reality. As the story unfolds, if you find yourself relating to some of my experiences—consider that a good thing. Just know the path holds different twists and turns for each of us. There are common experiences that everyone has and must work through in their own way. For example, everyone comes face to face with the unknown. Feelings of doubt and fear will seem like impenetrable barriers to this journey. You are very likely to question your progress and wonder if you are doing it right? But be gentle with yourself. Cultivate patience and be disciplined in attempting to expand your awareness. This unwavering approach will certainly lead to an expanded consciousness.
Living in the physical world carries with it daily demands. As I try to highlight some of my experiences on the path, understand that during this time I was also attending to the realities of life—working a job, raising a family, and addressing all the other assorted responsibilities one has. Trying to expand awareness of the inner self while focused on external sensory input is difficult. It takes time to become aware of the quiet voice arising from the higher-self. The ego’s voice is loud and demanding. Over time, learning to discern between the two becomes easier. Still, one has the sense of a battle for control between them. But both have a place and a purpose within our Being.
My journey began with the decision to resign from the finance company. I found myself embroiled in change and facing the unknown. Scary? Yes, but I was also open and searching for new ideas. I came across Tony Robbins. This was not my first introduction to motivational speakers. But for the first time, Tony’s message about becoming aware of how we think struck a chord within me. I ended up attending an Unlimited Power Weekend, which included participating in the Fire Walk. Afterward, I was amazed at how striding over those red-hot coals hadn’t burned my feet, or even singed the hair on my toes! I remember wondering… how is this even possible? (Warning: there’s more to it than meets the eye. Don’t try it at home!)
A few months later, I was listening to a Power Talk tape. Tony was talking with Dr. Wayne Dyer. Some of the things Wayne was talking about also resonated with me. After reviewing some of his books, one title stood out: You’ll See It When You Believe It. Most of us are conditioned to think the opposite: we’ll believe it when we see it. More evidence of our reliance on sensory input! Around this time, I started a small employment counseling service. In promoting the business, a fear of public speaking emerged. I recalled Wayne talking about meditation. I decided to try it as a solution to my public speaking phobia. It worked! Meditating for 10 minutes shortly before a speaking engagement allowed me to relax and resulted in a more spontaneous, fluid delivery. This experience led me to seek out formal training in meditation.
At the time, TM (Transcendental Meditation) was one of the oldest and largest groups offering this training. And while I didn’t know it then, the practice of meditation naturally turns our attention inward. From witnessing our thoughts, to greater awareness of our body and breathing. TM was known for doing studies on the effects of meditation. Some of the benefits include relieving the build-up of stored stress in the body and promoting brain wave coherence. Which is a measurable change in the spatial ordering of brain waves. Meditation promotes a type of brain wave coherence that has been shown to influence the activity of people in the immediate area. One study showed that moving groups of meditators into high-crime areas—reduced the number of crimes committed in those areas. TM also went into the prisons and taught meditation to inmates. Inmates who continued to meditate showed substantial reductions in the likelihood of re-offending, once released. If looking younger is appealing. Studies have shown long-term meditators may appear 10 to 15 years younger than their biological age! After starting a daily meditation practice, I immediately began experiencing subtle changes to my awareness. For over 30 years now, I’ve maintained a disciplined practice of daily meditation.
Just as I’d been introduced to Wayne Dyer by Tony Robbins. Wayne Dyer introduced me to Deepak Chopra. Deepak studied medicine in India before emigrating to the U.S. in 1970. Here he completed an internal medicine residency. He’s a licensed physician and an advocate for alternative forms of medicine. Reading some of his early material on body types led me to stop using alcohol. According to Indian Ayurvedic Medicine—drinking alcohol for individuals with my dominant body type–is a little like throwing gasoline on a fire! To a degree this description resonated with my experience. I decided then and there to stop using it. And there was another reason, too. By this time, I’d experienced enough spontaneous events to feel something mystical was happening. In short, I wanted to avoid any chance of having a mystical experience that I would later question because I’d been under the influence of alcohol.
It’s important to say that many of my experiences happened before I had a way to explain them. I’ve talked about how one experience led to another—introductions, coincidental meetings, and connections to people with information that furthered my journey. I couldn’t explain these events. Then one day, I was reading Wayne Dyer’s book, You’ll See It When You Believe It. I came to a section where he described my coincidental experiences as ‘Synchronicity.’ I can’t begin to tell you what a sense of relief I felt. I wasn’t losing my mind! Now, I had a way to describe the experience. The pattern of having an experience, and then sometime later finding an explanation has been consistent throughout my journey.
That pattern continued only now, I was finding confirmations in the writings of Deepak. However, there were times when his teaching went beyond my experiences. And in those moments, he took me beyond my ability to fully comprehend what he was sharing. Which brings up a couple important points when following this path. First, one’s awareness evolves at an individual pace—there’s a time and place for everything. And second, is coming to the realization that information and knowledge are not the same. To truly know something, information needs to be validated with first-hand experience. As a society, we have been conditioned to trust the information we are given. But today, we are increasingly being shown that the source of information can’t always be trusted. When talking about expanded awareness, this idea of combining information with direct experience is especially important. For example, listening to podcasts, reading books and articles like this one, expose us to new information. But taking new information to a level of knowing requires the additional step of personal experience to validate the information. In the next article, I’ll be discussing this topic at length. For now, the information in the next two paragraphs will provide more insight on the subject.
Very often when we encounter information that resonates with us—the source of that resonance is an inner feeling. Feelings or emotions are the most common experience we have with the inner self. They comprise the most familiar aspect of inner awareness. Feelings arise from two sources, either the lower-self or the higher-self. Emotions like fear are generated by the lower-self. As are feelings connected to our beliefs and values. The lower-self depends on sensory input from our physical surroundings to generate these feelings. The higher-self also generates emotions. Some examples are feelings of love, elation, beauty or tranquility. Even if we are not aware of the higher-self, we may still experience it. For instance, if you find yourself resonating with some of the information in this article, those feelings are likely emanating from the higher-self. As we seek to extend awareness of our inner dimension more of the higher-self is revealed. Learning to distinguish between emotions coming from the lower-self and those generated by higher-self takes time. But is greatly enhanced the more one focuses on their inner dimension.
I’m frequently referring to the inner dimension when I talk about expanding conscious awareness. However, expansions of awareness can come from both internal and external sources. For example, early in my journey when I was first experiencing synchronous events those were largely external. I was having experiences that I was at a loss to explain. An expansion of awareness happened when those experiences were confirmed by Wayne Dyer in his book. An example of an internal source happened many times as I was writing my first Change paper. I would be typing along and suddenly have a thought unknown to me pour out on the page. An interesting experience! My first thought was always, where did that come from? Over time, I began to recognize this as guidance emanating from the higher-self. But being unfamiliar with the experience called for confirmation of this inner guidance. Again, with time, I was able to confirm the validity of the internal information through observing the dynamics of change in the external world. The point to remember in all of this is—a true expansion of awareness relies on combining both internal and external sources of information in ways that one experience confirms the other.
For the next leg of my journey, Deepak introduced me to Ken Wilber. Deepak’s recommendation of Ken: “This man is brilliant—read everything he’s written.” By this time, I’d made a radical change in our lives. Feeling like I needed to learn more, I’d closed the door on my career counseling service. My inner guidance was leading me to stop doing, and just Be. I had a feeling of inner buoyancy—a palpable confirmation that everything would be okay. But my ego was fearful. Feelings of doubt were beginning to mute the buoyancy. Apparently, those doubts were picked up. One evening while meditating, I heard a very clear voice say: “You don’t have to say, I need, we know.” I never heard a voice like that again, but in retrospect, it brought to my attention that we are not alone. None of us are ever truly alone. It was a pivotal point in my journey, clearing the way for our family of five—two boys, aged 7 and 5, and our daughter just 13 months—to move to a nearby island. True to the voice I’d heard, our needs were always met. Never did we go without a roof over our heads or food on the table.
The years spent Being were truly transformative. Again, I found explanations and confirmation for the experiences I was having, this time in the writings of Ken Wilber. However, the decision to Be had also brought with it the uncertainty of the unknown. Once again, I found myself wrestling with the concept of change. It compelled me to take a deep dive into the subject. In trying to write about change, I struggled to uncover the fundamental elements. As I mentioned above, at times an inspiration would come out of nowhere—it just showed up on the page. These events always provided deeper insight into change. This inner guidance helped me conclude that change is simply the perceived consequence of actions. The effects of change can all be traced back to actions—natural and human. We live on a planet that is perpetually in motion. Change is fundamentally embedded in the whole of our existence! Whether we’re experiencing the changes created from earth whirling through space, observing the infinite bounty and beauty of nature, or witnessing the effects brought on by the actions of billions of human beings. Continuous motion creates our reality and the perception of change. My first White Paper was titled: Change; What Does It Really Mean? It took a year to write—finished in 1996. In final form it was only 30 pages in length. But having uncovered the fundamental causes of change didn’t make living through it any easier. While change may be a perennial theme in our lives—it isn’t always welcomed. I know this through my own experience. Yet, it’s worth noting changing our conscious awareness requires action to bring about the reality of an expanded awareness. There will be more discussion of change in future articles.
During the time spent Being, I was learning to discern between the impulses of the lower-self and those of the higher-self. Certainly, there were some clear differences. But living in the physical world makes it hard to avoid being pulled into the distractions of the lower-self (ego). While it happens to everyone, it’s a good sign when you can recognize your lower-self has gotten attached to something. And even better when you can let go of an attachment that isn’t serving you or others. The time spent Being lasted a total of four and a half years. Living through this period when the future was constantly unknown, taught me there is nothing to fear from the unknown. What makes the unknown so scary for most people is the constant ‘fears’ and ‘what ifs’ being projected by the ego-mind. For example, at times I wondered: will I ever work again? The ego-mind has a limitless capacity to imagine the worst possible outcomes. It’s these fear-based scenarios evoked by the lower-self that cause us to fear the unknown. In a future article, I’ll share how I learned to deal with this problem.
While it’s true we always had a roof over our heads and food on the table. That’s not to say there weren’t some substantial sacrifices. We depleted our financial assets and liquidated all our personal belongings of any value. For a time, we were dependent on public assistance. To our families looking on from the outside—we appeared to have lost our minds. Later, the fallout from this period would lead to divorce and bankruptcy. Looking back, these were painful experiences. Had I known this would be part of the outcome it would have undoubtedly influenced my decisions. But it’s also likely that I wouldn’t have experienced the same transformation of consciousness. Everyone who chooses this journey will create some change in their lives through their actions. But as I mentioned earlier, the path will be unique for each of us. My experiences won’t necessarily be yours. Don’t let fear dissuade you from doing what feels right in your heart. Having the benefit of hindsight, I can tell you that what gets burned up in the sacrificial fire will be rebuilt better and stronger owing to an expansion of consciousness.
I’ve called out the names of a few people who helped propel my journey. But it doesn’t begin to capture all the teachings that contributed to my expansion along the way. These include major religious figures: Jesus, Buddha, Krishna and other Prophets. Tibetan teachers: Master DK aka The Tibetan as transcribed by A.A.B., and the Dalai Lama. Indian Mystics: Yogananda, Babaji, Sai Baba, J. Krishnamurti, and Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. I also gained insight from the traditions and beliefs of Native Americans and Australian Aboriginals. While not an exhaustive list by any means, it gives you an idea of the breadth of sources that have in some way contributed to an expansion of my awareness. I make no claims of being expert in any of these teachings, only that I found significance related to my experiences and understanding.
The time of Being came to an end the day I voluntarily chose to terminate our cash assistance from the State. That day I had two unique experiences that could only be described as guidance from the higher-self. First, we hadn’t filed a tax return in several years. As I was standing in line at the public assistance office, my attention was drawn to a poster on the wall. I’d probably seen that sign countless times before, but that day I had a new realization—we were eligible to receive money from a Child Tax Credit. The second experience came as I was riding the bus back home. At one point, I had the sensation of an invisible hand turning my head and focusing my attention on the name plate of a company that we were passing by. The company name suggested some relevance to my prior work in the employment field. I contacted the company and learned they had just been awarded a contract with the Department of Social and Health Services. The contract was to help people receiving public assistance find employment. This was the same program from which I’d just terminated our participation. I had one of those ‘pinch-yourself’ moments. What were the odds that the day I’d quit the program, I would be directed to a job helping people in the same program? It proved to me once again, that guidance from the higher-self is truly all-knowing! Reflecting on this experience later, I came to understand that when you receive there’s an expectation that you will give in return.
My previous employment counseling experience was enough to land the job. They didn’t ask and I didn’t divulge my first-hand experience with public assistance. Initially, the company had already fielded a team to do the work, so I was only peripherally involved. The contract didn’t guarantee referrals and required meeting specific performance criteria to get paid for the work performed. After a year, management problems and a failure to generate more revenue than expenses, caused the dismantling of the original team. Long story short, I started rebuilding critical relationships with DSHS personnel and steadily grew referrals. I took over managing the contract—adding case managers as the work volume increased. Within a year we had turned the company into the highest revenue producing contractor in the region.
From the point I became aware of my journey, including the time spent Being, roughly eight years had passed. But returning to paid employment didn’t mean everything returned to normal. The success I’d achieved in this job had the effect of exalting my ego. When the contract with DSHS ended, I found myself struggling to find new employment. It had the effect of taking my inflated ego and crushing it. The economy had gone into a recession after the 9/11 attacks. This triggered extended unemployment benefits, which helped, but I was still scrambling to find work. Over the next year and a half, I worked in vocational rehabilitation, started a career counseling service for a third-party, and worked as an independent contractor. However, none of these jobs turned into anything more than short-term employment.
During this time, I wondered why I wasn’t receiving guidance from the higher-self? Shouldn’t this all-knowing aspect of consciousness be coming to my aid? It did; when I remembered that earlier in my journey, I’d seen references to the ‘Dark Night of the Soul.’ Then, it hadn’t been part of my experience, so I didn’t really know what it was. Now, I was beginning to understand. The Dark Night of the Soul refers to a period when travelers on the path feel like the higher-self has abandoned them. The experience is a stark contrast to the first part of the journey when one is receiving so much guidance and having so many synchronistic experiences. The point of this period is to test one’s faith and belief in the higher-self. It’s like being given a suit of armor and then being sent out into the world to see if you can earn the right to wear it! Despite the challenges I was experiencing, I chose to believe the higher-self had not abandoned me. And sure enough, throughout this period there were many indications of the higher-self’s continued presence.
After that first turbulent year and a half, I got an offer to teach a series of five courses on supervisory skills from a local college. It’s doubtful I would have gotten this position had it not been for a dear friend’s recommendation. I was beyond grateful for the opportunity! Teaching has always provided me with a special sense of joy. I had been teaching classes and workshops since my early employment counseling days. And while I didn’t have specific experience with the curriculum. I did have plenty of managerial experience related to the material. I was given a fair amount of discretion related to course content. Which gave me the opportunity to throw out an expanded idea or two. Teaching the courses also had the effect of expanding awareness of my own managerial experiences. The one challenge was it was only part-time. I would need another part-time job to make ends meet. An opportunity arose at a local thrift store. Filling out the application, I left off most of my previous work experience and college education. They hired me. Over the time I worked there, I performed every job in store. From taking donations and pricing items for sale, to stocking shelves and working the cash register. I was even promoted to assistant manager. I was there for a little over three years. Toward the end, I was increasingly feeling the need to move on. One day I said to myself, ‘I need to be gone from here in the next two weeks!’ Three days later, I was fired. I’d never been fired from a job in my life. My first reaction was, ‘you can’t fire me!’ After the initial shock wore off, I realized that my wish had been granted!
There were many reasons I felt the need to move on. One of them was a persistent sense of inner guidance. It had been eleven years since I completed the first white paper on Change. Now, I sensed it was time to write more on the topic. In the six months following my ‘involuntary’ layoff, I wrote a second white paper titled: Everything Changes; Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives. Eleven years of real-world observation and experience had only served to confirm the fundamentals of change. The new paper sought to transfer the fundamentals of change, to the experience of it. Using a course format, I posed questions, provided answers, and included exercises as a means of engaging the reader in developing a personal understanding of change dynamics. Among other ideas, I drew an analogy between the operating software of a computer and the way our personal programming creates our thoughts and directs our actions. The paper had been posted online for about six months, when I received notice the website was shutting down. I took it as a sign that the time for this information was yet to come. Many years before, after finishing the first change paper, I’d had the thought that maybe the topic of change was more for my own understanding. Whether that was true or not, I chose to listen to the inner guidance that beckoned me to write more on change. It wasn’t until six or seven years later that I would experience a moment when the full significance of the second change paper hit me.
Three months after the website shut down and the Change paper came offline. I was offered a full-time position that paid a living wage and offered the potential for sustained long-term employment. I didn’t know it yet, but the Dark Night of the Soul had come to an end. It covered a period of just over ten years. Reflecting back on the experience, it now makes sense. The initial period of awakening complete with spontaneous connections, a sense of being guided and the pull of inner dimension awareness, must be balanced. A period when we are re-grounded in the physical side of our existence. This makes the Dark Night of the Soul a time of little comfort and hard realities. During this period my first wife and I were divorced. That impacted all of us, the children, my wife and me. We also filed for bankruptcy during this period. And I worked more jobs than at any other time in my life. While these events are some of the most traumatic humans can experience, there was also a lot to be grateful for. During this time our basic needs were always met. Through it all there was never a time when we went without food, clothing or shelter. Our children grew up into genuine, amazing adults. Several years ago, my daughter suggested getting together for an annual family day. This has proved to be a wonderful opportunity to bring us closer, helping to heal past wounds and strengthen our relationships. For me, being able to see small miracles while going through difficult times is another way to confirm the higher-self is truly the Source of all.
It took a few years after returning to full-time employment, to stop wondering if my life would be turned upside-down again. Gratefully, as the years passed life remained on a steady course. After years of financial instability, steady employment went a long way toward restoring a sense of financial well-being. My final place of employment was the State of Washington Employment Security Department. And as it turned out, this was to be the longest employment with one employer in the whole of my work history. Some might find it ironic that I found employment security at a place with the same name. But I know from experience there’s no such thing as irony or coincidence. I’ll be forever grateful for many things this employment provided. I’m especially grateful for the wonderful colleagues and many customers with whom I had the pleasure of working. After fourteen years of service, I retired in October 2022. Now, with the end of my official employment, I have the freedom to focus on the inner work that has been invisible to the outside world for all these years.
Summary
There you have it! The untold story of my personal experiences leading to the discovery of the potential to expand our conscious awareness. I hope my story has piqued your interest—maybe even provided some inspiration. From an expanded view, there isn’t a more worthy cause that can be pursued in this lifetime. If the possibility of expanding your consciousness appeals, then ask yourself: what’s stopping you? I didn’t possess any special qualifications to start this journey. You might be thinking, I don’t have thirty years to do this! But my awareness has been evolving since the very beginning. Think of it this way, time passes whether you choose to expand your consciousness or not. But to be clear, this does require that you make a choice. Expanded consciousness is not the same as growing older and wiser. That idea speaks to ‘older’ as having a little more life experience. Your age doesn’t matter. I like to say, as long as you’re drawing a breath–there’s still time. Whether you’re young or old it takes very little time from your daily routine. Begin a daily meditation practice and you will not only benefit from the stress reduction it affords, but you’ll also put yourself on a direct path to experiencing inner awareness. Your insights and experiences will unfold naturally.
I appreciate how deeply embedded we are in a reality based solely on external sensory input. Yet, this limited conscious awareness defines our actions and is at the root of the rampant societal problems we see throughout the world. We must begin raising our individual consciousness! In the immortal words of Albert Einstein, “No problem can be solved by the same consciousness that created it.” Einstein has eloquently captured the very dilemma we face. Take any of the major problems in the world today, now imagine how those problems might be different if human beings were inclined to change their thinking. Imagine the positive impact it could have on the future of everyone on the planet! Choosing to expand one’s consciousness requires individual courage, initiative and discipline. Find the motivation to summon this energy by identifying a purpose or desire to change something about yourself, your community, or the current world we live in. Based on the laws of cause and effect, all change demands action. Remember, an expansion of consciousness cannot be taken for granted. Complacency only ensures that the long-standing drama of human illusion and suffering will continue. The time to act is now!